Shattered
by Feta Tsukino
Summary: Faye dealing with the realization that everything crashed around her after Spike leaves.


Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop

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Faye walked back to her room on wobbly legs. She couldn't believe she just had her last conversation with Spike. It was déjà vu all over again. The only home she had left was breaking up right in front of her. Again. Her family was crumbling to pieces. Where were Jet, Edward, and Ein? Why was no one else around? She was completely shattered. This situation made no sense to her. She seemed to be the only one there. Alone. That's what she was. Just herself.

She continued her path down the hallway. Tears blurred her vision, and Faye stumbled into the wall. Everything was too much too soon. She had finally regained her memories. It all came flooding in. Images of her former life flashed before her. She had two parents who loved her. Her family lived in a beautiful house that provided her shelter. That's where her childhood was spent. Friends. Yes, Faye and her friends went to school together. She had a good life. Loved ones were all around her. It was so nice to not want for anything. Perfection. That's the only way to describe that which is now lost and not coming back. No more glimpses of what was flashing through her mind causing confusion. There wasn't any need for wondering what was. Faye knew the person before the accident. Life made sense because she was a part of it. Things were so much clearer then. Faye knew her place intimately, and she understood her world. Home was truly home.

The place she belonged was nonexistent. Time took every bit of physical evidence away from her grasp. A structure which used to be a house no longer stood. The home she was raised in wasn't even visible. It was almost as if history just erased the time from which she came. Every room was gone like it had never been created. Faye almost felt her memories weren't really memories. It almost seemed like she had an overactive imagination. With her stick in hand, she drew a space for herself. Faye's homecoming was a sick joke. Running towards s dream she took literally was just cruel. What was there for her? Absolutely nothing. She still remained on the outside looking in. The only real thing was the square she made in the dirt. How terrible a feeling that is. To know her former reality is no more. Her former home was no longer available to her. Being ignorant of her lost memories was definitely bliss. The longing was the best. She could still dream about her life and wonder what she was missing

 _What's left for me now? I'm still alone here. That's why I'm better off depending on myself. Comrades only get in the way and make you weak. Who needs them? They've all betrayed me or left. The first person I trusted after I woke up conned me. That bastard Whitney! He totally fucked me over. I truly fell in love with him, too. Whitney showed me compassion and understanding. He helped me get used to my surroundings. He sure knew how to fake care and concern very well. Whitney's a very talented actor, I must say. The son of a bitch took advantage of me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He was waiting for someone vulnerable like me that he could play for a fool. A scared, helpless woman in an unfamiliar environment was right prey. Of course, I wouldn't think to be suspicious of him. Whitney did have a way of worming his way in my heart. The kind, charming man who took the time to aid an unfortunate woman._

 _Unfortunate isn't even the right word. I was gullible to believe anything he said. I actually gave that fucker my heart. I felt so safe and comfortable with him. I really thought he wanted to be with me. We were building a foundation based on deceit and lie after lie. He did it all at my expense. Sure, he wined aw dined me. Yes, he took me shopping also. Whitney exposed me to this world I was lost in. The goal was to make me dependant solely on him. Boy, did it work. I was eating out of the palm of his hands like a lost puppy._

 _To top it all off, the asshole fakes his own death. Who gets to inherit it all? Me. That's how I came into debt. That no good motherfucker pawned his debt on me. There I was crying like an idiot over a man who never gave a damn about me. All he wanted was a way out. He had my heart in his hands, but that day it shattered into a million pieces. He did it so effortlessly, like I was nothing to him. Now I know the truth. All I ever meant to him was freedom from his problems. Just his means to an end. My feelings didn't matter one bit. He had me right where he wanted me. I was blindly in love because he was my lifeline at the time. I was at his mercy, and Whitney did whatever he pleased. How could I be so stupid? I let him ruin my chance of rebuilding my life! I let a man betray me and destroy my happiness. He turned me into the person I am today. I will never be that weak ever again._

 _I had to become cold to protect myself. I now have a massive debt I have no way paying off. I toughened up to survive in this world. I lie, cheat, and steal because I have to. I have an attitude because I've lost everything and everyone I ever loved. Naivety only gets you used and abused. Once your usefulness is over with, you get discarded like yesterday's trash. Then your heart gets ripped from your chest, and it hurts so badly. Its the most excruciating pain imaginable. I've had the pleasure of said experience. Emotional pain has scarred me worse than any bullet ever will. I don't need anyone. People will only fuck you over in the end. That's a lesson I learned the hard way. If there's one thing I know, it's the strong survive in this harsh, unforgiving world._

By this time, Faye made it to her bedroom. She was beyond hysterical now. Spike's departure was more than she could bear. Memories long for got yen were beginning to surface. Thinking of " the man with the brown eyes " was proof enough. The love of her life abandoned her, her memories returned to her, and now Spike was off getting himself killed. The past is no good. It doesn't help anything. She knew that first hand. Faye grabbed a bottle of whiskey off her bedside table. Time to drink herself into oblivion. Nothing cured emotional pain better than being drunk. After unscrewing the cap, Faye tipped the bottle and drank like there was no tomorrow. The burn of the alcohol didn't even bother her. Her throat was already sore from all the crying she did. The taste was lost on her tongue. All she wanted was to stop feeling and stop crying. No more heartache would be wonderful. This crying was pathetic. Faye was sick of it. So she continued to drink until she was welcomed with the darkness she so desired.


End file.
